Sunday, January 4, 2015

Happy New Year!!!

This post isn’t necessarily an update on Bexley.  Lindsey and I wanted to share our New Year’s resolutions that have come to fruition through the challenges we faced with Bex in 2014.  Part of the reason we started this blog was to share our experiences with the hopes they could help out other parents who are facing similar obstacles.

Resolution #1: Be Flexible.  We all tend to make goals for the New Year, whether it be a target weight, a career goal, or a lifestyle change.  We put it on paper and we shoot to hit it and many times we don’t.  A big reason for that is because we try to stick to that exact goal, even if it isn’t entirely realistic.  We learned with Bex and her IFSP (Individualized Family Service Plan or IEP for babies) that you have to be flexible with your objectives.  For example, we had the goal of “sitting up by herself” for Bex to reach by the end of the year.  She didn’t meet that goal.  She isn’t physically ready for that milestone yet…and that is okay.  We have learned what she is capable of now and we work to challenge her to continue to make progress.  We celebrate her victories and progress, but there are no timelines or expectations about what she will accomplish in the next year or by when.  There is nothing more frustrating than failing to meet a goal.  This isn’t cheating either, its being realistic.

Resolution #2:  Don’t sweat the small stuff!  2014 was a challenging year from a personal standpoint and also with my job.  Not that I was in a bad place with my career or company, I just was dealing with a lot of extra responsibilities.  Let’s just say I was probably averaging 60-70 hour work weeks easily, with some stressful situations.  The funny thing is I realized I lost sleep over things I couldn’t control and that were microscopic in the grand scheme of life.  We also dealt with serious water damage to our house and a total revamp of our bottom floor earlier in the year.  This led to a lot of stressful situations that in the end were laughable compared to what we went through with Bexley.  The house all came together, a job is a job, and most importantly we were able to get through the most difficult thing we have ever experienced with all of the medical issues with Bex.  We have a happy baby girl, so why sweat the small stuff?

Resolution #3:  At the end of each day, find two positives or two things to be thankful for. It is easy to get caught up in the daily routines without really “stopping to smell the roses.” Some days it can be easy to let worry or frustration with the hand that we have been dealt overshadow all the blessings in our life. Therefore, Lindsey and I would like to make the effort to end each day by identifying two things that we feel thankful for, so that we continue to remind ourselves daily that even on the tough days, there is a lot of good.  

Resolution #4: I owe this one to the great Scarlett O’Hara who delivered one of the best movie lines ever – “I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.  With everything we have experienced with Bex, we can’t help but wonder what the future holds for her.  A lot of the things that you assume your child will do are called into question when you are given diagnoses like abnormal brain MRIs and Infantile Spasms. Will she walk?  Will she talk?  Will she go to school?  If she does, what type of school?  Will she learn to read and write? Will she be bullied?  What happens when she becomes an adult?  What if this or what if that…all constant worries.  Sure, these are similar concerns for every parent, but they are on a different level when you are a parent of a child dealing with developmental delays and that is the truth. What we have learned is there is no point to stress over these things today or else we will make ourselves sick.  More importantly, we will miss out on all the good stuff that happens (hence, the point of resolution #3).  With Bexley there are a lot of good moments every day and many more to come…so why focus on the “what ifs.”  Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn about the “what ifs” anymore.  Sorry I couldn’t resist.  By the way, how good is Gone With the Wind…right?

Happy New Year to all! Thank you for following Bex and all of your support.  2015 is going to be a great year and we look forward to sharing our moments with you!

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